Got Wang?
I'm starting to realize that strip clubs can be hotbeds of humorous situations. I don't spend a lot of time at strip clubs - until last night I had never gone to one alone, and I've only ever been to 4 clubs, a total of maybe 20 times. But this isn't about last night - I'll get to that later. This is a story about wang, and pretty naked girls who desperately need a clue.

I used to go to a club called Club Castaway in Massachusetts with my friend Mike. He's a regular there and several of the girls know him. We went there together on a semi-regular basis. This one dancer, Corey, she's beautiful (not all the girls at Club Castaway are, trust me) but she seems to have a problem with me, usually relating to my T-shirts.

The first time I ever went to Castaway and met Corey, I was wearing a T-shirt that said, "No, I will not fix your computer." I'm a computer geek, see, and... Oh, never mind. Anyway, I'm sitting there on Pervert's Row (right up by the stage) and she comes over to collect my dollar and give me a little dance. She sees my shirt and asks me why I'm wearing it. I say, "Because I'm a computer geek." She gives me a disgusted look and asks, "Why would anyone admit that?" I reply, "It's something I'm proud of!" Again with the look. Then she seems to remember that she makes her money from guys like me and kicks back into friendly-stripper mode, running her hands over her body and asking, "I know nothing about computers. [Really? I'm surprised!] Will you fix my computer?" "No," I reply. Mike got a kick out of that.

Another time Mike and I were in Castaway Corey started in on my cigarettes. I was smoking cloves at the time. "Something smells like incense!" She looks at me and says, "You can't smoke those in here." "Why not?" "Well, cigars aren't allowed in here and those are like cigars." Well, no, they're nothing like cigars at all. I ignored her and continued to smoke.

My favorite Corey moment was another T-shirt-related one, though. This time I was wearing my "Got Wang?" T-shirt from Penny Arcade. It's got an arrow pointing down, in case you don't quite get the concept. But this wasn't enough for Corey! Oh, lord no! I'm once again on Pervert's Row and she shows up for my dollar. She reads the shirt and asks, dead seriously, "Wang? What's a wang?" At first I think she's kidding and laugh. I realize she's not. "It's a penis," I say. "What is that, Chinese or something?" I can't believe I'm having this conversation. I think I replied something like, "No, it's just ordinary slang," but my memory gets foggy at that point. It was just too surreal - a stripper who had no clue what a wang is.